Holiday Anxiety Is Real

— Here’s Why You Feel It (and How to Get Through the Season Without Burning Out)

The holidays are painted as magical, joyful, cozy, and warm. But for so many people—especially women who people-please, who carry trauma, or who live with chronic anxiety—this season can feel more like:

• overstimulation

• dread

• pressure

• expectation

• exhaustion

• fear of conflict

• wanting to disappear

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why does everyone else seem excited while I feel like I can’t breathe?” you’re not alone.

Holiday anxiety is real. And it doesn’t mean you’re weak, dramatic, or “bad at holidays.”

It means your nervous system is overwhelmed. And overwhelmed systems can’t relax into joy.

Today we’re going to break down why anxiety spikes this time of year—and how you can support yourself with compassion instead of shame.

Why Anxiety Gets Worse During the Holidays

1. There’s too much happening at once

The holidays mean:

• more plans

• more social expectations

• more noise

• more decisions

• more responsibilities

This is a perfect recipe for decision fatigue, which quickly turns into anxiety.

Your brain is trying to track too many things—and that’s not a moral failure. It's a capacity issue.

2. People-pleasing pressure intensifies

If you grew up having to keep the peace, manage others’ emotions, or avoid conflict to stay safe, then the holidays often trigger old patterns:

• Make everyone happy

• Don’t disappoint anyone

• Say yes to everything

• Be agreeable

• Don’t cause tension

• Smile even if it hurts

Your nervous system reads these expectations as danger, not joy.

3. Family dynamics activate old wounds

Even if you’ve done years of therapy, being around family can trigger:

• shame

• guilt

• feeling small

• feeling “not good enough”

• emotional flashbacks

• helplessness

• frustration

• old roles resurfacing

These responses are not who you are today. They’re echoes of who you had to be.

4. Sensory overload increases anxiety

Lights, music, travel, crowds, disrupted routines—your nervous system is taking in constant input.

For a sensitive system, this can feel like:

• buzzing

• tension in the chest

• restlessness

• irritability

• panic

• overwhelm

Basically: your body is on high alert, even if nothing is objectively dangerous.

5. Unmet expectations = anxiety spiral

The holidays come with pressure to:

• be happy

• be calm

• be grateful

• enjoy things you actually find stressful

When your actual experience doesn’t match the “should,” anxiety rises.

Because shame feeds anxiety.

How Holiday Anxiety Shows Up in the Body

You might notice:

• tight chest

• knot in stomach

• throat closing

• feeling frozen

• racing thoughts

• trouble sleeping

• nausea

• tension headaches

• irritability

• dissociation

This isn’t “just anxiety. ”It’s your body in protection mode.

How to Calm Holiday Anxiety (Without Pretending Everything Is Fine)

These are practical, compassionate tools—no toxic positivity here.

1. Give yourself permission to do less

You don’t have to:

• attend every gathering

• host

• stay the whole time

• buy extravagant gifts

• engage with toxic family

• participate in traditions that hurt you

Doing less isn’t avoiding. Doing less is regulating.

Your nervous system will thank you.

2. Plan “exit strategies” in advance

These are not excuses. These are boundaries in motion.

Examples:

• “I’m going to step outside for some air.”

• “Hey, we’re only staying an hour today.”

• Drive separately.

• Stay in a hotel instead of a family home.

• Have a safe friend you can text.

Your anxiety reduces when your brain knows: I am not trapped.

3. Use grounding during anxiety spikes

Here are a few holiday-friendly grounding tools:

The Ornament Technique

Pick a single object (ornament, decoration, candle).Focus on:

• color

• shape

• light reflection

• texture

• smell (if applicable)

This interrupts the panic cycle.

Warm drink grounding

Wrap your hands around a warm mug. Feel the heat. Slowly breathe it in. Let your shoulders drop.

Bathroom Reset

Go into the bathroom. Close the door. Place both feet on the ground. Put your hand on your chest. Take slow breaths for 60 seconds.

It counts. It’s enough.

4. Don’t overschedule yourself

Create white space on your calendar—literally leave blank days or blocks of time.

White space = nervous system space.

If you want to enjoy anything, your body needs breathing room.

5. Let the “bare minimum holiday” be enough

Ask yourself:

What is the smallest possible version of this task that still honors the intention?

Examples:

• Instead of cooking a huge meal → pick one simple dish.

• Instead of buying gifts for 15 people → draw names.

• Instead of a full day visit → do a short drop-in.

• Instead of hosting → meet at a coffee shop.

Your worth is not measured by effort.

6. Speak kindly to yourself

Holiday anxiety loves to whisper things like:

• “Everyone else can handle this.”

• “What’s wrong with you?”

• “You’re ruining the mood.”

Here’s your reframe: “My nervous system is overwhelmed, not broken. I’m allowed to take care of myself.”

7. Build your “Holiday Safety Plan”

Give yourself:

• a grounding tool

• a boundary

• a support person

• a comfort object

• a recovery plan

• a permission statement

When anxiety spikes, you won’t be scrambling—you’ll be prepared.

Holiday Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing — It Means You’re Human

If this season feels heavy, you’re not alone. You’re not behind. You’re not “overreacting.”

You’re navigating a complex time with a sensitive nervous system shaped by lived experiences.

Anxiety doesn’t mean the holidays are ruined. It means you deserve gentleness, boundaries, and safety more than ever.

And you’re allowed to create a holiday season that honors your capacity.

The most powerful thing you can do this year?

Let the holidays be simple. Let them be imperfect. Let them be yours.