How to Start Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bad Person

If you struggle with setting boundaries, you’re not alone.

Maybe you’ve tried before—only to be met with guilt, anxiety, or that nagging fear that you’re being “mean,” “selfish,” or “too much.”If you were raised in an environment where saying no wasn’t safe or where your needs were often ignored, it makes sense that boundary-setting feels unfamiliar (and even a little terrifying).

But here’s the truth:

🌿 Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person.

🌿 It makes you an honest one.

🌿 It makes you a healthier one.

And you can start setting boundaries in small, doable ways that honor your needs without abandoning your compassion.

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

People-pleasing is often a survival strategy—especially for those who grew up in chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe environments. You learned that being agreeable and accommodating kept the peace. You learned that saying yes meant staying connected.

So when you try to set a boundary now, your nervous system may scream: Danger!

It’s not because you’re doing something wrong—it’s because you’re doing something new.

But setting boundaries is a skill you can practice. And you don’t have to bulldoze your way into it.

Here’s how to start.

1. Start with Simple Scripts

Sometimes the hardest part of setting boundaries is knowing what to say. 

Here are a few simple, kind, and clear phrases to get you started:

• “I wish I could help, but I’m not available right now.”

• “That doesn’t work for me, but I hope you understand.”

• “I need to think about that and get back to you.”

You don’t need to over-explain, justify, or convince anyone. A calm, clear boundary is enough.

2. Expect Discomfort—but Don’t Let It Stop You

Here’s something no one tells you: even healthy boundaries can feel really uncomfortable at first.

You might feel guilty, selfish, or like you’re letting someone down. That doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong—it means you’re stretching a new muscle. Try using this grounding statement when those feelings come up:

“It’s okay that this feels hard. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m allowed to have limits.”

Naming your discomfort while still holding the boundary helps your brain learn that it’s safe to show up differently.

3. Practice Boundaries With You, Too

Boundaries aren’t just about other people. Sometimes, we need to set limits with ourselves in the name of healing.

That might sound like:

• “I’m not checking my email after 7pm.”

• “I’m not saying yes before I check in with my energy first.”

• “I’m giving myself permission to rest today.”

When you begin honoring your own limits, it becomes easier to communicate those limits with others.

Take It One Step at a Time

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. You can start small. You can practice. You can repair when needed. You can learn as you go.

And most importantly—you can still be kind and caring while holding boundaries that protect your peace.

Want Support Along the Way?

My book, Breaking Free from People-Pleasing, was written for people just like you—big-hearted, loyal, and tired of feeling like a “bad person” every time they speak up.

Inside, you’ll find:

• Realistic boundary scripts

• Journal prompts to work through guilt and people-pleasing habits

• Examples of what healthy boundaries sound like in action

• And encouragement every step of the way

If you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself and start honoring your needs, I’d be honored to walk beside you.

You deserve boundaries. You deserve peace. And you’re not a bad person for wanting either.